Welcome to this addition of Comanche Racing's Race Report Blog. This week we have a jam packed story of mystery, explosions, excitement and intrigue for you. We have a lot to cover so let us move along.
None of us went. We heard it sucked balls. A lot of them.
It was a warm Sunday morning (something we haven't experienced for racing as of yet this year) and Comanche Racing was on a mission. This expedition was our largest yet. The brothers involved were as follows (in no particular order or relevance): Jordan "bear in the bag" Parker, Devin "papa bear" Parker, Robert "old bear" Trent, Derek "little bear" Alvarado, Ben "bear bear" Cukerbaum, Paul "berserker bear" Carty and (myself) Luke "blog bear" Kalloch. Unfortunately, Alex "barf bear" Vogt could not make it to the race because the night before was his 21st birthday and he had much celebrating to do in San Marcos (on a cross dressing pub crawl [which he probably won]). Ash "bear down under" Duban will not be attending races for a while because of a secret mission she is on in Australia for Comanche Racing (we have scouts everywhere).
With a full tribe, we were ready to go and dominate the cat 4 race.
Our goal was to put Derek over the finish line before everyone else after the 36 mile race. To help achieve this goal I will now introduce to you the newest addition to the Comanche Racing Race Report: the helmet cam video (sorry, we haven't come up with a catchy name yet). Derek purchased himself a nice little helmet cam to wear during the races so our loving fans could see us (and believe with their own eyes) take the scalps of our enemies left and right. The proof (as they say)... is in the pudding.
Derek even provides a nice commentary on the whole thing! Watch our sexy asses.
To our (and your) dismay, the footage only covers the first lap of the race (damn technology!) so you'll just have to wade through my rambles that chronicle the rest of it.
Side note: by not means will these videos keep me from lengthy blog post. I will push to lengthen modern attention spans until I die.
As is mentioned in the video, the pace was kept high throughout the entire race. Time and time again we would relieve each other of drilling at the front so that we could rest. The field slowly started to dwindle. The rolling hills and break-neck speeds were take their toll on all the racers. You could tell that the people who were still in the race were starting to get weary and careless (going up one of the hills I heard [and felt] someone rub up against my back wheel multiple times [I found out at the end of the race that it was Derek]). But we pedaled on, hoping that we could cut the field down even more.
We weren't doing this just to be assholes, oh no. The coarse at Pace Bend had to be changed this year for some reasons and the final sprint was going to be a sketchy one. It included a 90 degree turn and then a downhill straightaway that lead to the finish. Imagine a group of 85 cyclists trying to gain position in such a situation. The results would be gruesome at best. I'd say it would look something like this:
...and how. (thank Google Image Search for "Gruesome Cyclist")
The final lap came and we were in good position but even your favorite cyclists of Comanche Racing were starting to get tired. The Brothers Parker had down their job telling the pack what was what (Devin: "Oh yeah, go ahead and chase your teammate who his up the road in that breakaway. Sounds like a great idea." Jordan [going into the final lap]: "Oh, so NOW you come up to the front after we haven't seen you all race! Come on! Lets do this!") and everyone was doing their best to put Derek into position.
At about the two mile mark I watch Paul "pull bear" Carty shoot off the front with Derek on his wheel. Apparently, Derek was driving him like mule (a really fast mule), telling him which way to go, whether to speed up or slow down. They established a pretty good gap for a little while but the pack was hungry for the sprint and started close that gap.
I made my way to the front of the group so that I could help out whenever the moment came. The 90 degree turn into the finish straightaway was in sight now and Paul and Derek were still in the front. As they rounded the corner I saw exactly what I didn't want to see. Derek tried to pull past Paul on the left side (which was the edge of the road) while Paul probably thought he was going to pass him on the right side (which had more road to work with). This slowed Derek to a snails pace and also boxed him in as the peloton
We crossed the finish I counted the people who were infront of me. Seven. I rolled up next to Derek and asked him how many were infront of him. Three. We were close. The best teamwork to date.
At the end of the day Derek took 4th place, I took 8th and Ben took 10th. The rest of the guys did a great job keeping the pace high for the entire race by being at the front but didn't have the position for the sprint. But we achieved (or almost did) what we wanted as a team: get Derek the top position. We had also cut the field down from 85 starters to 43 finishers (with the help of some other racers as well). We met up with Derek's family (who just happened to be in town, whodathunkit?) and went to Angel's for lunch (also to use their restrooms... there were only four port-a-potties at the race... for 500 people... two words: shit mountain... whodathunkit?) after the race for a celebratory beer and burger. From the sounds of the place there could have been a lap-dance involved too but... alas.
To sum up the race I will leave you with another addition to the blog. This is a contribution from Jordan "in the bag" Parker called, "In the Bag".
As always, thanks to our sponsors Frank (home of the Comanchachino), Nelo's (lair of the famous Nelo himself), Thunderbird Energetica (emporium of energetic treats) and Dominican Joe (hangout where the coffee is hot but the baristas are hotter). Also, our greatest sympathies to fellow warrior, Patrick Hallett, who was involved in a wreck during the race. Rest up and heal quickly. As always please send your complains and grievances here. Thanks again!